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  • Answer Upon - Snappy Rejected-Job-Seeker Comebacks

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    paint colors on the walls.

    SHE: We can’t hire you because your background is too entrepreneurial. We’re looking for true corporate types.

    YOU: Well, of course! That mouth-clamped-shut, eyes-averted posture is so hard for people like me to master.

    HE: Before we set up an

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    People we know have heard some absolutely monstrous things from recruiters and employers during their job hunts. When you hear one of these outrageous/insulting/mind-blowing remarks, you want to reach through the phone and strangle someone. But since that isn’t possible, here’s what to say, instead:

    HE: I’m sorry, we liked your qualifications but we offered the position to a person who comes from the exact same kind of background.

    YOU: Of course, that’s excellent, and I can certainly understand your desire to minimize new thinking. Best of luck to you.

    SHE: Your resume shows six of the protocols we’re looking for, but we’re holding out for eight.

    YOU: Not a problem! Thanks for letting me know. It’s not a good match in any case, because I’m focusing on employers who value brains and creativity over skillsets that one can acquire in two days of training.

    HE: We’re not going to be able to budge on the salary. We thought you would join us for the same salary you made at your last job.

    YOU: Well, that’s lovely. I am certain you’ll find loads of excellent people who change jobs for other reasons - perhaps the paint colors on the walls.

    SHE: We can’t hire you because your background is too entrepreneurial. We’re looking for true corporate types.

    YOU: Well, of course! That mouth-clamped-shut, eyes-averted posture is so hard for people like me to master.

    HE: Before we set up an

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    y, instead:

    HE: I’m sorry, we liked your qualifications but we offered the position to a person who comes from the exact same kind of background.

    YOU: Of course, that’s excellent, and I can certainly understand your desire to minimize new thinking. Best of luck to you.

    SHE: Your resume shows six of the protocols we’re looking for, but we’re holding out for eight.

    YOU: Not a problem! Thanks for letting me know. It’s not a good match in any case, because I’m focusing on employers who value brains and creativity over skillsets that one can acquire in two days of training.

    HE: We’re not going to be able to budge on the salary. We thought you would join us for the same salary you made at your last job.

    YOU: Well, that’s lovely. I am certain you’ll find loads of excellent people who change jobs for other reasons - perhaps the paint colors on the walls.

    SHE: We can’t hire you because your background is too entrepreneurial. We’re looking for true corporate types.

    YOU: Well, of course! That mouth-clamped-shut, eyes-averted posture is so hard for people like me to master.

    HE: Before we set up an

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    HE: Your resume shows six of the protocols we’re looking for, but we’re holding out for eight.

    YOU: Not a problem! Thanks for letting me know. It’s not a good match in any case, because I’m focusing on employers who value brains and creativity over skillsets that one can acquire in two days of training.

    HE: We’re not going to be able to budge on the salary. We thought you would join us for the same salary you made at your last job.

    YOU: Well, that’s lovely. I am certain you’ll find loads of excellent people who change jobs for other reasons - perhaps the paint colors on the walls.

    SHE: We can’t hire you because your background is too entrepreneurial. We’re looking for true corporate types.

    YOU: Well, of course! That mouth-clamped-shut, eyes-averted posture is so hard for people like me to master.

    HE: Before we set up an

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    two days of training.

    HE: We’re not going to be able to budge on the salary. We thought you would join us for the same salary you made at your last job.

    YOU: Well, that’s lovely. I am certain you’ll find loads of excellent people who change jobs for other reasons - perhaps the paint colors on the walls.

    SHE: We can’t hire you because your background is too entrepreneurial. We’re looking for true corporate types.

    YOU: Well, of course! That mouth-clamped-shut, eyes-averted posture is so hard for people like me to master.

    HE: Before we set up an

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    paint colors on the walls.

    SHE: We can’t hire you because your background is too entrepreneurial. We’re looking for true corporate types.

    YOU: Well, of course! That mouth-clamped-shut, eyes-averted posture is so hard for people like me to master.

    HE: Before we set up an interview, we wanted to check references, run a credit check, and get your college transcripts.

    YOU: That’s innovative! Sort of an unobtrusive intelligence test, to judge a person’s self-esteem. Is this the point where I say ‘you must be kidding’?

    HE: No, I’m serious.

    YOU: Awesome - you’re screening for the most self-worth-challenged segment of the job-seeking population. What a novel approach - I have some friends in halfway houses who might be great candidates for you.

    SHE: We liked your resume, and so we’re sending you a password, to take our online integrity test before we schedule an interview.

    YOU: Can I get my boyfriend to take it instead? If I start to tell the truth, God knows what might happen.

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