in that you want to spend a little time – 20 minutes or so – getting to know each other better.

2. Make sure that your session will not be interrupted – take the phone off the hook and do not eat or smoke during the 20 minutes. This encourages both partners to focus on each other, and be

Ask anyone what the most important aspect of a successful relationship is and you can bet your bottom dollar they’ll fire back the word ‘communication’. But knowing the importance of communication and practising it are two different things.

How long do you spend talking to your partner? For the average American couple four minutes a day is all the chat they can manage with their other half! Furthermore, it ain’t what you do so much as the way you do it – meaningful communication involves more than bawling your mate out at every opportunity, or firing questions at them like a police officer.

If you want to improve your love affair – who doesn’t? – listen closely.

Deep listening

Talking with your partner is not just about honesty – you also need to take the time and make the effort to hear what they are not saying. Listening for the emotions behind the words can make a world of difference – particularly if your partner has a hard time expressing themselves in words.

Try this exercise to take your relationship to new, deeper levels.

1. Arrange a session of active listening. If your partner shies away from psycho-babble terms, try and explain that you want to spend a little time – 20 minutes or so – getting to know each other better.

2. Make sure that your session will not be interrupted – take the phone off the hook and do not eat or smoke during the 20 minutes. This encourages both partners to focus on each other, and be a

the average American couple four minutes a day is all the chat they can manage with their other half! Furthermore, it ain’t what you do so much as the way you do it – meaningful communication involves more than bawling your mate out at every opportunity, or firing questions at them like a police officer.

If you want to improve your love affair – who doesn’t? – listen closely.

Deep listening

Talking with your partner is not just about honesty – you also need to take the time and make the effort to hear what they are not saying. Listening for the emotions behind the words can make a world of difference – particularly if your partner has a hard time expressing themselves in words.

Try this exercise to take your relationship to new, deeper levels.

1. Arrange a session of active listening. If your partner shies away from psycho-babble terms, try and explain that you want to spend a little time – 20 minutes or so – getting to know each other better.

2. Make sure that your session will not be interrupted – take the phone off the hook and do not eat or smoke during the 20 minutes. This encourages both partners to focus on each other, and be

fficer.

If you want to improve your love affair – who doesn’t? – listen closely.

Deep listening

Talking with your partner is not just about honesty – you also need to take the time and make the effort to hear what they are not saying. Listening for the emotions behind the words can make a world of difference – particularly if your partner has a hard time expressing themselves in words.

Try this exercise to take your relationship to new, deeper levels.

1. Arrange a session of active listening. If your partner shies away from psycho-babble terms, try and explain that you want to spend a little time – 20 minutes or so – getting to know each other better.

2. Make sure that your session will not be interrupted – take the phone off the hook and do not eat or smoke during the 20 minutes. This encourages both partners to focus on each other, and be

n make a world of difference – particularly if your partner has a hard time expressing themselves in words.

Try this exercise to take your relationship to new, deeper levels.

1. Arrange a session of active listening. If your partner shies away from psycho-babble terms, try and explain that you want to spend a little time – 20 minutes or so – getting to know each other better.

2. Make sure that your session will not be interrupted – take the phone off the hook and do not eat or smoke during the 20 minutes. This encourages both partners to focus on each other, and be

in that you want to spend a little time – 20 minutes or so – getting to know each other better.

2. Make sure that your session will not be interrupted – take the phone off the hook and do not eat or smoke during the 20 minutes. This encourages both partners to focus on each other, and be as present as possible.

3. Take turns to listen and speak. The listener should time the session, but try not to check the clock every minute!

4. The speaker has 20 minutes to say whatever they feel like saying. The listener must not interrupt – ever, but should give the speaker their full attention. There’s no pressure to talk about certain subjects – although you may want to avoid areas that you feel angry about. The speaker should avoid blaming statements or accusations – instead, focus on what you are feeling. Even if the speaker does not talk, their time must not be interrupted and the full 20 minutes must be respected. Sitting in silence can be a meaningful communication too!

5. After 20 minutes, switch roles. The new speaker is not allowed to respond to what their partner has just said – this can be saved until your next session of active listening.

You may find this an eye-opening experience. It’s not unusual to feel suddenly shy – even if you’ve known your partner for years, deep listening provides a way to share very deep intimacy that may take you by surprise.

Resist the temptation to fall into familiar arguments, and remember