om the South of France, but that belongs in another column). The point is that your comments have to be specific or they will have very little meaning.

•Effective feedback should be behavior related and not based on personality.

When we give feedback that is personal, we can assume the recipient will immediately become defensive. It’s no way to start an already difficult conversation. We should key on the specific problem behavior, and not the person causing the problem. Saying “What’s the matter with you?” or something equally unsp

We can learn so much from our children. Ben, my 4-year old son, is learning to dress himself, and each morning my wife lays his clothes out for him. It’s amazing what you learn when you stay home in the morning! With great ceremony, she sets each article of clothing on the floor. His shirt goes upside down, and with any luck, it ends up on his body the right way.

It was my job to help Ben this morning. I laid out his clothing as only a father can, wrong! I put his shirt down backwards, but not upside down. Ben, knowing a novice when he sees one, shocked me by saying, “You have to do it wrong, to do it right.” Wow, I thought. How profound! I started to think about applying something so simple to a management situation.

Each day employees do many things right, and some things wrong. What should we do when their actions leave something to be desired? Do we chastise them? Do we humiliate them in front of their peers?

How we handle such situations can ultimately determine if the employees learn from their mistakes. In many cases, people have to “do it wrong before they can do it right.” Giving feedback in the proper way is vital. Here are some success factors for giving good feedback.

•Give immediate feedback. Seems easy, doesn’t it? It’s not, because people are sensitive. They don’t like to hear when they’ve done something wrong. Calling someone out on their mistake is embarrassing for them. Despite our own trepidation, we must do it swiftly, while the incident is still fresh, and respectfully.

Putting critique off just makes it harder for the supervisor to do, and even harder for the employee to hear, particularly if the critique is long after the problem has occurred. If your style around Thanksgiving is to say, “Remember that situation last June, before the company picnic, when you handled Mrs. Jones’ order?” You’ve waited too long! Give immediate feedback and your employee will learn from it.

•Provide specific feedback.

Ask, “What did you do wrong on Mrs. Jones order? Did you enter the wrong delivery time in the computer, or did you match the wrong wine with her famed Veal Osso Buco dish?” (I’d suggest a Rhone from the South of France, but that belongs in another column). The point is that your comments have to be specific or they will have very little meaning.

•Effective feedback should be behavior related and not based on personality.

When we give feedback that is personal, we can assume the recipient will immediately become defensive. It’s no way to start an already difficult conversation. We should key on the specific problem behavior, and not the person causing the problem. Saying “What’s the matter with you?” or something equally unspe

sees one, shocked me by saying, “You have to do it wrong, to do it right.” Wow, I thought. How profound! I started to think about applying something so simple to a management situation.

Each day employees do many things right, and some things wrong. What should we do when their actions leave something to be desired? Do we chastise them? Do we humiliate them in front of their peers?

How we handle such situations can ultimately determine if the employees learn from their mistakes. In many cases, people have to “do it wrong before they can do it right.” Giving feedback in the proper way is vital. Here are some success factors for giving good feedback.

•Give immediate feedback. Seems easy, doesn’t it? It’s not, because people are sensitive. They don’t like to hear when they’ve done something wrong. Calling someone out on their mistake is embarrassing for them. Despite our own trepidation, we must do it swiftly, while the incident is still fresh, and respectfully.

Putting critique off just makes it harder for the supervisor to do, and even harder for the employee to hear, particularly if the critique is long after the problem has occurred. If your style around Thanksgiving is to say, “Remember that situation last June, before the company picnic, when you handled Mrs. Jones’ order?” You’ve waited too long! Give immediate feedback and your employee will learn from it.

•Provide specific feedback.

Ask, “What did you do wrong on Mrs. Jones order? Did you enter the wrong delivery time in the computer, or did you match the wrong wine with her famed Veal Osso Buco dish?” (I’d suggest a Rhone from the South of France, but that belongs in another column). The point is that your comments have to be specific or they will have very little meaning.

•Effective feedback should be behavior related and not based on personality.

When we give feedback that is personal, we can assume the recipient will immediately become defensive. It’s no way to start an already difficult conversation. We should key on the specific problem behavior, and not the person causing the problem. Saying “What’s the matter with you?” or something equally unsp

they can do it right.” Giving feedback in the proper way is vital. Here are some success factors for giving good feedback.

•Give immediate feedback. Seems easy, doesn’t it? It’s not, because people are sensitive. They don’t like to hear when they’ve done something wrong. Calling someone out on their mistake is embarrassing for them. Despite our own trepidation, we must do it swiftly, while the incident is still fresh, and respectfully.

Putting critique off just makes it harder for the supervisor to do, and even harder for the employee to hear, particularly if the critique is long after the problem has occurred. If your style around Thanksgiving is to say, “Remember that situation last June, before the company picnic, when you handled Mrs. Jones’ order?” You’ve waited too long! Give immediate feedback and your employee will learn from it.

•Provide specific feedback.

Ask, “What did you do wrong on Mrs. Jones order? Did you enter the wrong delivery time in the computer, or did you match the wrong wine with her famed Veal Osso Buco dish?” (I’d suggest a Rhone from the South of France, but that belongs in another column). The point is that your comments have to be specific or they will have very little meaning.

•Effective feedback should be behavior related and not based on personality.

When we give feedback that is personal, we can assume the recipient will immediately become defensive. It’s no way to start an already difficult conversation. We should key on the specific problem behavior, and not the person causing the problem. Saying “What’s the matter with you?” or something equally unsp

loyee to hear, particularly if the critique is long after the problem has occurred. If your style around Thanksgiving is to say, “Remember that situation last June, before the company picnic, when you handled Mrs. Jones’ order?” You’ve waited too long! Give immediate feedback and your employee will learn from it.

•Provide specific feedback.

Ask, “What did you do wrong on Mrs. Jones order? Did you enter the wrong delivery time in the computer, or did you match the wrong wine with her famed Veal Osso Buco dish?” (I’d suggest a Rhone from the South of France, but that belongs in another column). The point is that your comments have to be specific or they will have very little meaning.

•Effective feedback should be behavior related and not based on personality.

When we give feedback that is personal, we can assume the recipient will immediately become defensive. It’s no way to start an already difficult conversation. We should key on the specific problem behavior, and not the person causing the problem. Saying “What’s the matter with you?” or something equally unsp

om the South of France, but that belongs in another column). The point is that your comments have to be specific or they will have very little meaning.

•Effective feedback should be behavior related and not based on personality.

When we give feedback that is personal, we can assume the recipient will immediately become defensive. It’s no way to start an already difficult conversation. We should key on the specific problem behavior, and not the person causing the problem. Saying “What’s the matter with you?” or something equally unspecific is unhelpful and hurtful and will not help the cause. It’s always a good idea to start with something positive, which softens the approach. The individual will be predisposed to receive the constructive feedback more easily, and it will have a greater impact. Always end the meeting on a positive note by praising the individual. Wasn’t it Shakespeare that said, “All’s well that ends well”?

As Managers, we must diligently give feedback, both positive and negative. Always remember these simple rules and your people will learn from their mistakes. Soon there will be less mistakes and their performance will improve. I imagine the wife used some of this logic with Ben.