y cause women to tighten up emotionally and physically; to appear cold and frigid to caring spouses and to miss out on the natural enjoyment of their relationship.

We need to give ourselves full permission to think about sex, to fantasise abou

One main reason most young couples find it difficult to combine love and sex to really feel good about their life is that the feeling of great sex – which is initially so exhilarating – becomes frightening to them. Young people starting out want the opportunity to just enjoy themselves without too much responsibility or restrictions. As individuals they often fear losing themselves to the other person; of giving too much and then being dependent on someone else. The key is letting go, yet knowing that we can regain control whenever we wish to do so.

For example, many women have a lot of anxieties about reaching an orgasm. But having any orgasm requires emotional release and being completely relaxed. If we are stressed in any way, that’s difficult to achieve. Worrying about being ‘normal’, about conflicts in the relationship, about your job and career, and listening to the cautioning and restrictive voices of parents in our heads about how a ‘proper’ lady should behave, inevitably cause women to tighten up emotionally and physically; to appear cold and frigid to caring spouses and to miss out on the natural enjoyment of their relationship.

We need to give ourselves full permission to think about sex, to fantasise about

opportunity to just enjoy themselves without too much responsibility or restrictions. As individuals they often fear losing themselves to the other person; of giving too much and then being dependent on someone else. The key is letting go, yet knowing that we can regain control whenever we wish to do so.

For example, many women have a lot of anxieties about reaching an orgasm. But having any orgasm requires emotional release and being completely relaxed. If we are stressed in any way, that’s difficult to achieve. Worrying about being ‘normal’, about conflicts in the relationship, about your job and career, and listening to the cautioning and restrictive voices of parents in our heads about how a ‘proper’ lady should behave, inevitably cause women to tighten up emotionally and physically; to appear cold and frigid to caring spouses and to miss out on the natural enjoyment of their relationship.

We need to give ourselves full permission to think about sex, to fantasise abou

ng that we can regain control whenever we wish to do so.

For example, many women have a lot of anxieties about reaching an orgasm. But having any orgasm requires emotional release and being completely relaxed. If we are stressed in any way, that’s difficult to achieve. Worrying about being ‘normal’, about conflicts in the relationship, about your job and career, and listening to the cautioning and restrictive voices of parents in our heads about how a ‘proper’ lady should behave, inevitably cause women to tighten up emotionally and physically; to appear cold and frigid to caring spouses and to miss out on the natural enjoyment of their relationship.

We need to give ourselves full permission to think about sex, to fantasise abou

t’s difficult to achieve. Worrying about being ‘normal’, about conflicts in the relationship, about your job and career, and listening to the cautioning and restrictive voices of parents in our heads about how a ‘proper’ lady should behave, inevitably cause women to tighten up emotionally and physically; to appear cold and frigid to caring spouses and to miss out on the natural enjoyment of their relationship.

We need to give ourselves full permission to think about sex, to fantasise abou

y cause women to tighten up emotionally and physically; to appear cold and frigid to caring spouses and to miss out on the natural enjoyment of their relationship.

We need to give ourselves full permission to think about sex, to fantasise about sex, to talk about it and to accept that it is natural and right to have personal likes and dislikes. Sadly, many people grew up being taught that it was wrong to have sexual feelings or desires or that the act itself was 'dirty'. This means that there are lots of ambiguities and fears around sex before they even begin to seek a soulmate. Personal embarrassment and religious brainwashing pronounced judgment on a natural act and dictated its effect on us ever since. However, most people will find that their sexuality is actually enhanced when they stop making rules about what they ought to like, or do, with sex and begin to focus on what they actually enjoy.

Telling partners what feels good, experimenting with different positions and focusing only on the moment should increase the couple's enjoyment. Getting rid of certain insecurities relating to jealousy and control should also help sexual enjoyment. One man, who clearly enjoys his sex life puts it cogently, “Sex is about givi