ing time between both halves of the family.

-- Keep anger with toward an ex-spouse to yourself, out of earshot of the kids. Settle your differences in private.

-- Allow kids access to both parents. When there’s animosity between ex-spouses, don’t use kids as ammunition or as messengers.

-- The biological parent should take the leading disciplinary role. The steppar

Few blended families are the Brady Bunch. In real life, divorce and remarriage are very stressful for kids, parents, and stepparents. Forming a successful blended family takes work, but the adjustment can be made smoother.

First, understand what’s going on. For kids, divorce and remarriage mark the end of the original family as they knew it. Their fantasy that their parents might get back together is dashed when Mom or Dad takes a new partner. It’s natural that kids experience divided loyalties, anger, and resentment.

They also must make major readjustments -- new adults, new stepsiblings or a new home. If a move is required, it means a new school, loss of old friends and the need to make new ones. Expect kids to be upset.

For stepparents, a blended family means being in the middle: not quite parent, not total stranger. You can’t be expected to love your new stepchild instantly; you may feel frustrated or even jealous. That’s normal so don’t feel guilty about it.

To minimize stress and help everyone make adjustments:

-- Try not to create too many changes all at once. Maintain as much continuity as possible with relatives, friends, neighbors. Children are going though enough changes, so keep try to keep their old social network in place.

-- Acknowledge the tension (or difficulties?). Encourage kids to express their feelings and empathize. Tell them how you feel, too, but make clear that everyone needs to get along.

-- Have family meetings to discuss problems; listen to each other without interrupting; give kids opportunities to come up with their own solutions to conflicts like sharing a room with a stepsib or dividing time between both halves of the family.

-- Keep anger with toward an ex-spouse to yourself, out of earshot of the kids. Settle your differences in private.

-- Allow kids access to both parents. When there’s animosity between ex-spouses, don’t use kids as ammunition or as messengers.

-- The biological parent should take the leading disciplinary role. The steppare

es a new partner. It’s natural that kids experience divided loyalties, anger, and resentment.

They also must make major readjustments -- new adults, new stepsiblings or a new home. If a move is required, it means a new school, loss of old friends and the need to make new ones. Expect kids to be upset.

For stepparents, a blended family means being in the middle: not quite parent, not total stranger. You can’t be expected to love your new stepchild instantly; you may feel frustrated or even jealous. That’s normal so don’t feel guilty about it.

To minimize stress and help everyone make adjustments:

-- Try not to create too many changes all at once. Maintain as much continuity as possible with relatives, friends, neighbors. Children are going though enough changes, so keep try to keep their old social network in place.

-- Acknowledge the tension (or difficulties?). Encourage kids to express their feelings and empathize. Tell them how you feel, too, but make clear that everyone needs to get along.

-- Have family meetings to discuss problems; listen to each other without interrupting; give kids opportunities to come up with their own solutions to conflicts like sharing a room with a stepsib or dividing time between both halves of the family.

-- Keep anger with toward an ex-spouse to yourself, out of earshot of the kids. Settle your differences in private.

-- Allow kids access to both parents. When there’s animosity between ex-spouses, don’t use kids as ammunition or as messengers.

-- The biological parent should take the leading disciplinary role. The steppar

to love your new stepchild instantly; you may feel frustrated or even jealous. That’s normal so don’t feel guilty about it.

To minimize stress and help everyone make adjustments:

-- Try not to create too many changes all at once. Maintain as much continuity as possible with relatives, friends, neighbors. Children are going though enough changes, so keep try to keep their old social network in place.

-- Acknowledge the tension (or difficulties?). Encourage kids to express their feelings and empathize. Tell them how you feel, too, but make clear that everyone needs to get along.

-- Have family meetings to discuss problems; listen to each other without interrupting; give kids opportunities to come up with their own solutions to conflicts like sharing a room with a stepsib or dividing time between both halves of the family.

-- Keep anger with toward an ex-spouse to yourself, out of earshot of the kids. Settle your differences in private.

-- Allow kids access to both parents. When there’s animosity between ex-spouses, don’t use kids as ammunition or as messengers.

-- The biological parent should take the leading disciplinary role. The steppar

p>-- Acknowledge the tension (or difficulties?). Encourage kids to express their feelings and empathize. Tell them how you feel, too, but make clear that everyone needs to get along.

-- Have family meetings to discuss problems; listen to each other without interrupting; give kids opportunities to come up with their own solutions to conflicts like sharing a room with a stepsib or dividing time between both halves of the family.

-- Keep anger with toward an ex-spouse to yourself, out of earshot of the kids. Settle your differences in private.

-- Allow kids access to both parents. When there’s animosity between ex-spouses, don’t use kids as ammunition or as messengers.

-- The biological parent should take the leading disciplinary role. The steppar

ing time between both halves of the family.

-- Keep anger with toward an ex-spouse to yourself, out of earshot of the kids. Settle your differences in private.

-- Allow kids access to both parents. When there’s animosity between ex-spouses, don’t use kids as ammunition or as messengers.

-- The biological parent should take the leading disciplinary role. The stepparent can play an indirect but supportive role and defer to the biological parent.

-- It’s not easy, but aim for fairly consistent rules in both households. If curfew is 9 p.m. at Mom’s house, it’s best to have the same at Dad’s. Try to reach consensus on privileges, homework, dress, and chores. Regularity is more reassuring for kids than widely different routines and responsibilities.

-- Don’t get wimpy. Divorced parents often think they have so little time with their kids that they don’t want to spend it on discipline. But it’s more important to be their parent than their buddy. Don’t let children manipulate you into getting their way by falling into the trap of granting every wish just to keep them happy. -- Stepparents need to realize that the child they live with isn’t theirs and never will be. It’s a fine line to walk, but don’t try to be either the new parent or the new best friend. On the plus side, stepparents often bring a fresh, objective perspective to family issues because they don’t bring old emotional baggage.

-- Give your stepchild time to get to know you, and expect some hostility. After all, kids naturally see you as a rival for your spouse’s affection or an intruder who’s trying to take their mother or father’s place. Expect them not to like you, especially at first; and you may not like them. You love and married their parent, but you aren’t required to love them equally. Try to nurture a mutual fondness, but if conflict persists, it may be helpful to seek family counseling. Remember: Blending families successfully takes time. It is a gradual process of getting acquainted and building trust. The first few years are the most challe