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Answer Upon - Being Heard: Mental and Verbal Strategies for Getting Your Point Across
The Power of Business Positioning!Rules of Business Positioning1. Differentiation is a business imperative today, not only in terms of a company’s success, but also for its continuing survival.2. Truly understanding how and why you and your business are better than the competitions’ is essential to true business success.3. Succinctly and effectively communicating your value proposition to customers and substantiating your claims will drive your business.The Power of PositioningThe often-used phrases such as “…saving time and money…” are no longer enough to attract a potential buyer. Today’s effective salesperson must offer compelling claims and proof to substantiate them.* * *Differentiation in the context of business is what a company can hang its hat on that no other business can. For example, for some companies this is being the least expensive. Other companies credit themselves with being the first or the fastest. Whatever it is a business can use to stand out from the rest is called differentiation.Differentiation in today’s over-crowded marketplace is a business imperative, not only in terms of a company’s success, but also for its continuing survival.The advent of the Internet changed the business landscape forever. Typically, long established “brick-and-mortar” businesses that spent years and millions
4. Stay interested. Remain curious and childlike. Look at each situation with new eyes. Don't forget that everything you experience is filtered through your perception, your lens. As Stephen Covey says, "Seek first to understand."
5. Center yourself and extend positive energy. I practice and teach the martial art aikido, often translated from the Japanese as "the way of blending with energy." In aikido, as the attack comes we center ourselves and extend our life energy (ki) to meet the attacker, align with him, and redirect his energy. We lead without force. In life and business, you do the same thing when your language and manner are poised and focused, when you exercise both power and compassion, and when you make your adversary a partner by honoring his energy and positive intent.
6. There are no guarantees. What if you've tried to find a creative solution through joint problem solving and the situation doesn't improve? For example, after several conversations and promises to improve, a direct report continues to be disrespectful. Or after your numerous requests to be prompt, an important member of the team continues to show up late or not at all.
Did I forget to mention there are no guarantees? You may not get your point across, ever. You can, however, remain respectful, interested, and purposeful. In the final analysis, this is where your power lies. You can also employ your company's performance management system as early in the process as possible and hold your staff accountable to its guidelines. At this stage, the point you want to get across changes. You are no longer asking for behavior change. Instead you're making sure the employee understands the co
Myth 1- Hiring a copywriter is expensive Not true: Depends what you are selling, how many of it and what you negotiate on but that’s not the real issue. Sure, good to pro copywriters are expensive, sometimes they ask for 50% of the sales but consider this:If you put a dollar in a machine and get 3,4,5 or 10 dollars back how many times would you do it?If you said “I’d never do it” then you may want to go back to your 9-5 job, and not have anything to do with business.If you said “as much as is humanely possible”, then Ding Ding Ding! You won a million bucks (or more….). With that mindset, you’re bound to do well in business. An investment that pays back many times is a good investment.Myth 2- I can do it myself, copywriters don’t know anything about what I do Well that’s half true and half false. Copywriters may not know necessarily your product, your service or your industry well or at all. However an excellent copywriter (like me…) will know what questions to ask you about your product then turn that into words that sell. Sometimes we are so good at what we do that we end up assuming everyone knows the basics or assume that everyone understands jargon. Happens to everyone and often times people usually have no clue what you may be saying about your product and its features. Copywriters (like me) translate what your product to something that matte
--Difficult Conversations, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
We all want to be heard. It's gratifying, empowering, and makes us feel valued. And in a difference of opinion, we want our side to be represented. We want others to get who we are and to hear our valid arguments, even if they don't agree with us–though, of course, we'd like that to happen as well.
What we may not realize is that the best way to get our point across is often counter-intuitive. To be successful we have to try less and listen more.
Understanding as a Goal
Have you ever been in a restaurant that has a swinging door in and out of the kitchen? Ever pushed (or watched someone push) on that door when another body is trying to get through from the other direction? What happens? You push, they push, and nobody gets through, right?
The same push-pushback phenomenon occurs when two people want to get their differing viewpoints across at the same time. It usually sounds something like: "Yes, but you're wrong because …" or "No, you weren't listening. What I'm trying to say is …" and so on. If you want to get through to the other side and they're not creating an opening, you either let them talk first or push hard enough to get them to hear you. If we extend the metaphor, they're probably not listening. The more you force, the more they resist.
When you push for your way, you virtually guarantee failure, because the harder you try to persuade, the harder the opposition will do the same. He wants to be heard, too–just like you.
If you want to get your point across, don't make getting your point across the goal. Make understanding the goal. When you try to understand your conflict partner's view, you create an opening for him to do the same. The door swings toward you as you receive his energy, beliefs, and vision, and benefit from a peek at an alternate reality. You're able to see both views simultaneously while you reflect on how differently this person perceives the world from his side of the door.
Giving Way to Get Your Way
Don't give in; give way. There's a difference. Giving someone the freedom to deliver his message is a gift and a model. You're not saying you agree with the message; you're saying you're willing to entertain an alternative view to facilitate solving the problem.
Sensing a receptive audience, the speaker relaxes. His energy and ideas have an outlet. He worries less whether you agree with him, simply because you're willing to let him talk. His need for you to understand him is less critical than your willingness to try.
Eventually he has nothing left to say, and now he is opening the door for you. In fact, he's eager to hear your reflections. He's thinking, "Wow, I just made some great points. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about them!"
Offer Information That May Be of Value
So don't start with, "You are really out of line, you don't know what you're talking about," or "your reasoning is full of holes!"
If you want to get your point across, start by acknowledging his argument and appreciating his position. Specifically:
- Summarize his thoughts for him.
- Compliment his reasoning.
- Speak first to his positive intentions.
- Look for one thing you can agree with.
For example: "John, you've obviously put a lot of thought into this and care a great deal about the outcome. I liked what you said about … " You must be sincere. We're not talking about manipulation, but rather a willingness to step into another human being's shoes.
By listening and acknowledging, you've let your partner come through the door, and it's starting to swing in the other direction. Here's the place where you might get your point across. But one more admonition: change your thinking from getting your point across to offering information that might be of value to him. He may take advantage and he may not. He's more likely to receive your offer favorably if it helps him achieve his goals, look good, or save face.
For example, "John, from what you're saying, you believe you're doing a good job and living up to the requirements of the job description. I have a slightly different take on it. Would you like to hear it? As I see it, you put a lot of thought into preparing our meetings and organizing staff, and I think you want to do a good job. I have some ideas about how you can go further in your career, if you chose to, by making a few simple changes." The door is swinging back. It's your turn to walk purposefully through it.
Do You Want to Win or Solve the Problem?
In the end, you may find that "getting your point across" is language that presumes a contest of wills and that there are more efficient ways to achieve your objective. You are less likely to create defensiveness in the listener when you disclose your thinking, acknowledge his, maintain respect and safety, and establish consequences.
Keep in mind there's a problem on the table to be solved. He's offered his view. And now you will present yours. As you do this, keep the door open. The following steps will help you:
Six Steps for Creating A Willing Listener:
1. Understand Your Story and Their Story. Rashomon is a 1950 Japanese movie involving four people, each of whom tells a story about how a specific event unfolded. Each story is a little movie that looks completely different from the others. Rashomon reminds me that my story may vary widely from my partner's, even when we're looking at the same facts. It helps me exercise caution about how much I think I know about someone else's motives. I try not to presume. How could I? It's not my movie. My goal is to see his movie through his lens.
2. Educate, don't sell, blame, or accuse. When it's time to tell my story, I have to teach the listener what things look like from my perspective. I don't assume he can see my movie either; in fact, I know he can't. When an employee, student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, I respectfully describe the feelings that ensued or the resulting impact on the environment or on our relationship. I assume the person has positive intent, and I try to help him to live up to that assumption.
3. Communicate your hopes and goals. If I'm disappointed, it helps to let others in on my hopes (for the relationship, the workplace, or the task at hand). For example, "When you said you would have the spreadsheet ready Tuesday, I took you at your word. My hope is that we all recognize the importance of deadlines on a project that's as time sensitive as this one. Can you tell me what happened and what we can do to remedy the situation?"
4. Stay interested. Remain curious and childlike. Look at each situation with new eyes. Don't forget that everything you experience is filtered through your perception, your lens. As Stephen Covey says, "Seek first to understand."
5. Center yourself and extend positive energy. I practice and teach the martial art aikido, often translated from the Japanese as "the way of blending with energy." In aikido, as the attack comes we center ourselves and extend our life energy (ki) to meet the attacker, align with him, and redirect his energy. We lead without force. In life and business, you do the same thing when your language and manner are poised and focused, when you exercise both power and compassion, and when you make your adversary a partner by honoring his energy and positive intent.
6. There are no guarantees. What if you've tried to find a creative solution through joint problem solving and the situation doesn't improve? For example, after several conversations and promises to improve, a direct report continues to be disrespectful. Or after your numerous requests to be prompt, an important member of the team continues to show up late or not at all.
Did I forget to mention there are no guarantees? You may not get your point across, ever. You can, however, remain respectful, interested, and purposeful. In the final analysis, this is where your power lies. You can also employ your company's performance management system as early in the process as possible and hold your staff accountable to its guidelines. At this stage, the point you want to get across changes. You are no longer asking for behavior change. Instead you're making sure the employee understands the con
The idea of owning a franchise is, for some people, the ticket out of the rat race and into a world of financial independence and being their own bosses. For others, the idea of owning a franchise means risking not only a regular paycheck, but having to put up their own money and then agree to run the business according to someone else’s guidelines.Both Sides Somewhere in between those extremes is the reality of being a franchise owner. No one who knows the franchise business can honestly say there is not a tremendous amount of work involved, and that the success or failure of an individual franchise operation will depend on how willing the franchisee is to do that work.On the other hand, because most prospective franchisees are pre-qualified before being accepted, and because they will have a good amount of their own finances tied up in the franchise, they are more highly motivated to make the business work than they might have been when working for somebody else.And, because buying a franchise means they will be entering the business world with a proven product or service, which is already familiar to a large number of people, they will not be faced with trying to find and keep a customer base. As long as they have a good location for their franchise--and many franchisors offer assistance in getting their franchisees located--and provide cus
If you want to get your point across, don't make getting your point across the goal. Make understanding the goal. When you try to understand your conflict partner's view, you create an opening for him to do the same. The door swings toward you as you receive his energy, beliefs, and vision, and benefit from a peek at an alternate reality. You're able to see both views simultaneously while you reflect on how differently this person perceives the world from his side of the door.
Giving Way to Get Your Way
Don't give in; give way. There's a difference. Giving someone the freedom to deliver his message is a gift and a model. You're not saying you agree with the message; you're saying you're willing to entertain an alternative view to facilitate solving the problem.
Sensing a receptive audience, the speaker relaxes. His energy and ideas have an outlet. He worries less whether you agree with him, simply because you're willing to let him talk. His need for you to understand him is less critical than your willingness to try.
Eventually he has nothing left to say, and now he is opening the door for you. In fact, he's eager to hear your reflections. He's thinking, "Wow, I just made some great points. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about them!"
Offer Information That May Be of Value
So don't start with, "You are really out of line, you don't know what you're talking about," or "your reasoning is full of holes!"
If you want to get your point across, start by acknowledging his argument and appreciating his position. Specifically:
- Summarize his thoughts for him.
- Compliment his reasoning.
- Speak first to his positive intentions.
- Look for one thing you can agree with.
For example: "John, you've obviously put a lot of thought into this and care a great deal about the outcome. I liked what you said about … " You must be sincere. We're not talking about manipulation, but rather a willingness to step into another human being's shoes.
By listening and acknowledging, you've let your partner come through the door, and it's starting to swing in the other direction. Here's the place where you might get your point across. But one more admonition: change your thinking from getting your point across to offering information that might be of value to him. He may take advantage and he may not. He's more likely to receive your offer favorably if it helps him achieve his goals, look good, or save face.
For example, "John, from what you're saying, you believe you're doing a good job and living up to the requirements of the job description. I have a slightly different take on it. Would you like to hear it? As I see it, you put a lot of thought into preparing our meetings and organizing staff, and I think you want to do a good job. I have some ideas about how you can go further in your career, if you chose to, by making a few simple changes." The door is swinging back. It's your turn to walk purposefully through it.
Do You Want to Win or Solve the Problem?
In the end, you may find that "getting your point across" is language that presumes a contest of wills and that there are more efficient ways to achieve your objective. You are less likely to create defensiveness in the listener when you disclose your thinking, acknowledge his, maintain respect and safety, and establish consequences.
Keep in mind there's a problem on the table to be solved. He's offered his view. And now you will present yours. As you do this, keep the door open. The following steps will help you:
Six Steps for Creating A Willing Listener:
1. Understand Your Story and Their Story. Rashomon is a 1950 Japanese movie involving four people, each of whom tells a story about how a specific event unfolded. Each story is a little movie that looks completely different from the others. Rashomon reminds me that my story may vary widely from my partner's, even when we're looking at the same facts. It helps me exercise caution about how much I think I know about someone else's motives. I try not to presume. How could I? It's not my movie. My goal is to see his movie through his lens.
2. Educate, don't sell, blame, or accuse. When it's time to tell my story, I have to teach the listener what things look like from my perspective. I don't assume he can see my movie either; in fact, I know he can't. When an employee, student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, I respectfully describe the feelings that ensued or the resulting impact on the environment or on our relationship. I assume the person has positive intent, and I try to help him to live up to that assumption.
3. Communicate your hopes and goals. If I'm disappointed, it helps to let others in on my hopes (for the relationship, the workplace, or the task at hand). For example, "When you said you would have the spreadsheet ready Tuesday, I took you at your word. My hope is that we all recognize the importance of deadlines on a project that's as time sensitive as this one. Can you tell me what happened and what we can do to remedy the situation?"
4. Stay interested. Remain curious and childlike. Look at each situation with new eyes. Don't forget that everything you experience is filtered through your perception, your lens. As Stephen Covey says, "Seek first to understand."
5. Center yourself and extend positive energy. I practice and teach the martial art aikido, often translated from the Japanese as "the way of blending with energy." In aikido, as the attack comes we center ourselves and extend our life energy (ki) to meet the attacker, align with him, and redirect his energy. We lead without force. In life and business, you do the same thing when your language and manner are poised and focused, when you exercise both power and compassion, and when you make your adversary a partner by honoring his energy and positive intent.
6. There are no guarantees. What if you've tried to find a creative solution through joint problem solving and the situation doesn't improve? For example, after several conversations and promises to improve, a direct report continues to be disrespectful. Or after your numerous requests to be prompt, an important member of the team continues to show up late or not at all.
Did I forget to mention there are no guarantees? You may not get your point across, ever. You can, however, remain respectful, interested, and purposeful. In the final analysis, this is where your power lies. You can also employ your company's performance management system as early in the process as possible and hold your staff accountable to its guidelines. At this stage, the point you want to get across changes. You are no longer asking for behavior change. Instead you're making sure the employee understands the co
Here we are at the end of summer, and I've had a fine time. My summer has been a great balance of work and play. When I planned my three-week vacation, my work calendar looked rather empty and I was a little worried. Now I see that I protected a lot of time to have fun (summer is so-o-o short in Canada ), and in doing so, gave myself the time and space to recharge, to think, and to create.The result: my work dance card has filled up quickly. I have a brand-new sales training program called Selling With Integrity (and two new clients), three new coaching workshops on team effectiveness (and three new clients), and some great stories that will last a lifetime.Here are some lessons from my summer vacations that I hope I remember and continue to live, because they led to an incredibly productive and happy period.Mind the Company You Keep My first vacation was two weeks at a family summer camp. This place is not for everyone, since the cottages are very rustic and only have cold running water. Despite, or because of, the lack of amenities, it also soars with a spirit of good will, camaraderie, interesting and physically challenging activities, beautiful surroundings, and wonderful people who appreciate the place. In a heartbeat, I found companions with whom to walk 10K; go crashing through forests on our bikes; watch each other’s kids; share meals; go ka
For example: "John, you've obviously put a lot of thought into this and care a great deal about the outcome. I liked what you said about … " You must be sincere. We're not talking about manipulation, but rather a willingness to step into another human being's shoes.
By listening and acknowledging, you've let your partner come through the door, and it's starting to swing in the other direction. Here's the place where you might get your point across. But one more admonition: change your thinking from getting your point across to offering information that might be of value to him. He may take advantage and he may not. He's more likely to receive your offer favorably if it helps him achieve his goals, look good, or save face.
For example, "John, from what you're saying, you believe you're doing a good job and living up to the requirements of the job description. I have a slightly different take on it. Would you like to hear it? As I see it, you put a lot of thought into preparing our meetings and organizing staff, and I think you want to do a good job. I have some ideas about how you can go further in your career, if you chose to, by making a few simple changes." The door is swinging back. It's your turn to walk purposefully through it.
Do You Want to Win or Solve the Problem?
In the end, you may find that "getting your point across" is language that presumes a contest of wills and that there are more efficient ways to achieve your objective. You are less likely to create defensiveness in the listener when you disclose your thinking, acknowledge his, maintain respect and safety, and establish consequences.
Keep in mind there's a problem on the table to be solved. He's offered his view. And now you will present yours. As you do this, keep the door open. The following steps will help you:
Six Steps for Creating A Willing Listener:
1. Understand Your Story and Their Story. Rashomon is a 1950 Japanese movie involving four people, each of whom tells a story about how a specific event unfolded. Each story is a little movie that looks completely different from the others. Rashomon reminds me that my story may vary widely from my partner's, even when we're looking at the same facts. It helps me exercise caution about how much I think I know about someone else's motives. I try not to presume. How could I? It's not my movie. My goal is to see his movie through his lens.
2. Educate, don't sell, blame, or accuse. When it's time to tell my story, I have to teach the listener what things look like from my perspective. I don't assume he can see my movie either; in fact, I know he can't. When an employee, student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, I respectfully describe the feelings that ensued or the resulting impact on the environment or on our relationship. I assume the person has positive intent, and I try to help him to live up to that assumption.
3. Communicate your hopes and goals. If I'm disappointed, it helps to let others in on my hopes (for the relationship, the workplace, or the task at hand). For example, "When you said you would have the spreadsheet ready Tuesday, I took you at your word. My hope is that we all recognize the importance of deadlines on a project that's as time sensitive as this one. Can you tell me what happened and what we can do to remedy the situation?"
4. Stay interested. Remain curious and childlike. Look at each situation with new eyes. Don't forget that everything you experience is filtered through your perception, your lens. As Stephen Covey says, "Seek first to understand."
5. Center yourself and extend positive energy. I practice and teach the martial art aikido, often translated from the Japanese as "the way of blending with energy." In aikido, as the attack comes we center ourselves and extend our life energy (ki) to meet the attacker, align with him, and redirect his energy. We lead without force. In life and business, you do the same thing when your language and manner are poised and focused, when you exercise both power and compassion, and when you make your adversary a partner by honoring his energy and positive intent.
6. There are no guarantees. What if you've tried to find a creative solution through joint problem solving and the situation doesn't improve? For example, after several conversations and promises to improve, a direct report continues to be disrespectful. Or after your numerous requests to be prompt, an important member of the team continues to show up late or not at all.
Did I forget to mention there are no guarantees? You may not get your point across, ever. You can, however, remain respectful, interested, and purposeful. In the final analysis, this is where your power lies. You can also employ your company's performance management system as early in the process as possible and hold your staff accountable to its guidelines. At this stage, the point you want to get across changes. You are no longer asking for behavior change. Instead you're making sure the employee understands the co
Research indicates that we retain only 10% of what we hear; 20% of what we see; 65% of what we hear and see; but 90% of what we hear, see, and do.Every day at work we demonstrate Hear-See-Do when we use a combination of our knowledge, wisdom and skill to perform a task or plan what we will do at a later date. This combination of intellect, insight and ability is called experience.ExperienceOne of my favorite sayings is, “It’s not what you know that counts; it’s what you do with what you know that counts.” In other words, knowledge by itself is useless and unproductive. It’s only when we act on the data, facts and information and apply them in a particular situation or circumstance that we in fact gain experience.Here are a few simple yet profound truths about experience: We learn from our experiences. If they are positive, we tend to repeat them again and again until we become proficient and our skill levels increase. If they are negative, we file them away in the back of our minds as cautions or red flags to be recalled when a potentially dangerous situation threatens.To experience is to be actively involved. An experience is gained when we wholeheartedly become engaged in an activity or are constantly involved with people over a period of time.Six Steps for Creating A Willing Listener:
1. Understand Your Story and Their Story. Rashomon is a 1950 Japanese movie involving four people, each of whom tells a story about how a specific event unfolded. Each story is a little movie that looks completely different from the others. Rashomon reminds me that my story may vary widely from my partner's, even when we're looking at the same facts. It helps me exercise caution about how much I think I know about someone else's motives. I try not to presume. How could I? It's not my movie. My goal is to see his movie through his lens.
2. Educate, don't sell, blame, or accuse. When it's time to tell my story, I have to teach the listener what things look like from my perspective. I don't assume he can see my movie either; in fact, I know he can't. When an employee, student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, I respectfully describe the feelings that ensued or the resulting impact on the environment or on our relationship. I assume the person has positive intent, and I try to help him to live up to that assumption.
3. Communicate your hopes and goals. If I'm disappointed, it helps to let others in on my hopes (for the relationship, the workplace, or the task at hand). For example, "When you said you would have the spreadsheet ready Tuesday, I took you at your word. My hope is that we all recognize the importance of deadlines on a project that's as time sensitive as this one. Can you tell me what happened and what we can do to remedy the situation?"
4. Stay interested. Remain curious and childlike. Look at each situation with new eyes. Don't forget that everything you experience is filtered through your perception, your lens. As Stephen Covey says, "Seek first to understand."
5. Center yourself and extend positive energy. I practice and teach the martial art aikido, often translated from the Japanese as "the way of blending with energy." In aikido, as the attack comes we center ourselves and extend our life energy (ki) to meet the attacker, align with him, and redirect his energy. We lead without force. In life and business, you do the same thing when your language and manner are poised and focused, when you exercise both power and compassion, and when you make your adversary a partner by honoring his energy and positive intent.
6. There are no guarantees. What if you've tried to find a creative solution through joint problem solving and the situation doesn't improve? For example, after several conversations and promises to improve, a direct report continues to be disrespectful. Or after your numerous requests to be prompt, an important member of the team continues to show up late or not at all.
Did I forget to mention there are no guarantees? You may not get your point across, ever. You can, however, remain respectful, interested, and purposeful. In the final analysis, this is where your power lies. You can also employ your company's performance management system as early in the process as possible and hold your staff accountable to its guidelines. At this stage, the point you want to get across changes. You are no longer asking for behavior change. Instead you're making sure the employee understands the co
They say advertising is excessive: it interrupts TV series, preceding movie shows and dominating music award ceremonies. Some even lament that advertising not only occupies the media, but is also present everywhere else; the latest music editor softwares could be seen at bus shelters, and online VoIP products pictured in public telephone booths. It is irrelevant and disruptive.If you agree with my last sentence above, continue reading. You might decide to change your mind.First of all, I don’t think advertisers occupy the media. As a matter of fact, it is the media that courts companies, maybe except for over-popular shows. TV stations need funds to run your favorite programs, and radio broadcasts have to pay for the Music on Demand. It boils down to us consumers: we demand, and the media provides, at a price of course.Ah, you might now argue that it is the advertisers who flock to the media and pay for available ad space. True! But how many time slots are so coveted over? Shows like the Super Bowl Football are rare. Other less endowed channels, in fact, have some hard time securing long-term ad contracts to be financially sufficient. It is thus fair to conclude that advertisers and the media, and us, are in a multilateral relationship.Besides its commercial relevance, there is more to this misunderstood industry that we of
4. Stay interested. Remain curious and childlike. Look at each situation with new eyes. Don't forget that everything you experience is filtered through your perception, your lens. As Stephen Covey says, "Seek first to understand."
5. Center yourself and extend positive energy. I practice and teach the martial art aikido, often translated from the Japanese as "the way of blending with energy." In aikido, as the attack comes we center ourselves and extend our life energy (ki) to meet the attacker, align with him, and redirect his energy. We lead without force. In life and business, you do the same thing when your language and manner are poised and focused, when you exercise both power and compassion, and when you make your adversary a partner by honoring his energy and positive intent.
6. There are no guarantees. What if you've tried to find a creative solution through joint problem solving and the situation doesn't improve? For example, after several conversations and promises to improve, a direct report continues to be disrespectful. Or after your numerous requests to be prompt, an important member of the team continues to show up late or not at all.
Did I forget to mention there are no guarantees? You may not get your point across, ever. You can, however, remain respectful, interested, and purposeful. In the final analysis, this is where your power lies. You can also employ your company's performance management system as early in the process as possible and hold your staff accountable to its guidelines. At this stage, the point you want to get across changes. You are no longer asking for behavior change. Instead you're making sure the employee understands the consequences of the road he is traveling.
At home, if getting your point across with your teenager means gaining agreement, you will almost never succeed. However, you can set limits and expectations. For example, "I hear you when you say that your friends can stay out until midnight. Nevertheless, you have to be home by 11:00." …
"But, Mom! …"
"I realize this seems hard to you. But I expect you to be home by 11:00."
Establishing limits and consequences is usually a more practical and effective way to be heard than attempting to gain agreement.
In any case, remember that winning a contest and solving a problem are usually two different things. When you find yourself pushing through that metaphorical door, stop and ask yourself whether it's the winning or the solving you're most interested in.
Resources
Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, by Judy Ringer
How To Get Your Point Across in 30 Seconds or Less, by Milo O. Frank
The Magic of Conflict, by Thomas F. Crum
Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler FAQs about Conflict, by Judy Ringer
Good luck with all of your communication. Let me know if this article has been useful by contacting me at judy@judyringer.com
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